Accepting It
by CanLauMesh
Summary: Post Yesterday fic. Addek. One man says he loves her. One man doesn't say anything. With secrets kept from both, what can she do? Now complete.
1. Chapter 1

Accepting It

Chapter 1

She was sitting there, her head resting on the wall. She was trying to hear if he was still awake. She wasn't sure, no, she knew she wasn't ready to look him in the eye.

"_I'm in love with my husband, Mark."_

"_But he's not in love with you, he's in love with that intern. And he's not even trying to hide it. Why would you want to stick around for that?"_

She gripped her tea-filled mug tightly. What was she doing?

"_He doesn't know how we felt. He doesn't know you stayed with after he left? How do you expect to work out a marriage if you can't even be honest with him?"_

She hated that he was right; hated that he even came to Seattle; hated how he had touched her in the elevator.

"_Your marriage is over Addison."_

No, it wasn't. She was here; ten feet away from her husband; in their house (or Derek's trailer, she thought bitterly). He hadn't asked her to leave. He wasn't even yelling at her. That was what scared her the most. He didn't care enough to yell at her. He never yelled at her for sleeping with Mark. He found them "in the throes" and did nothing. He gave her a disgusted look and walked away. He gave her that same look today.

Her throat tightened. He still loved her, didn't he? He chose her. She knew he was "that guy;" the one who would try just for the sake of the vows. Maybe their marriage was over. But she was too scared to volunteer that information to anyone; especially Derek.

"_He doesn't know how we felt."_

Neither did Mark. She wasn't in love with Mark. She was in love with the idea of Mark. In love with the idea that someone could still make time for her, comfort her, love her. Mark just filled Derek's place in her bed. Filled Derek's time in her schedule. Mark was her place holder. She'd never wanted anyone but Derek. But Derek didn't want her anymore. He wanted Meredith. What could she do?

"_I'm going to the bar across the street. Meet me there."_

She'd be lying if she said she wasn't considering it. Mark would never hurt her the way Derek had. Derek had abandoned her in their marriage. He'd forgotten about her in "their lives." Even if she couldn't love Mark the way she loved Derek, she could love him, in a way.

She stood up, slowly, and turned to walk into the bedroom. She could see his eyes shift at her movement. He was laying there, a medical journal open on his lap.

"We need to talk."

"No we don't Addison," he looked away from her pointedly.

"Fine, I'll talk, you listen," she took a firmer stance in the doorway.

His back straightened and his eyes looked directly into hers. It was almost enough to make her lose her nerve. Almost.

"The night that you found Mark and I..." he flinched and averted his eyes.

"When you left, I thought for sure it was over. I believed you couldn't forgive me. I had never seen you so hurt; so disgusted with me," she paused and took a deep breath.

"Then you disappeared into the night. Without a word. No goodbye. No forwarding address. Nothing. I was lost. I didn't know what to do."

His eyes narrowed, he was studying her, trying to figure out where this was leading.

"I stayed with Mark after you left."

She'd said it. It hadn't even sounded like her. Derek's mouth had dropped slightly. Whether from shock or the urge to say something cruel, she'd never know. She wasn't giving him a chance to respond.

"I know you won't believe me, but," her voice quivered, "I didn't love him Derek. I still loved you. But I didn't have you and I didn't even know if I'd ever see you again. I was convinced divorce papers would show up any day. But they didn't. That was my lifeline. It kept me going. The hope that you weren't through with me. Then Richard called, said he had a case for me in Seattle. Where you were. I jumped at the chance to come. When I saw you, standing there with Meredith, I had a taste of what you felt the night you found Mark and I."

"_A lot of things are different…**had**…if you came out here to try and win me back you can forget about it"_

She closed her eyes and took another deep breath.

"You called me 'Satan.' You were so angry with me. But you still didn't yell. You just threw cheap shots and snide remarks. You didn't see **me**, at all. So I called my attorney in New York and had him draw up papers. I had them sent to your lawyer for approval. But I needed to be sure. When the premature baby started getting better and I found you with her, I had to give it one last shot. Tell you 'I love you.' Kiss you. We bantered like we used to. You didn't pull away when I kissed you."

She paused, allowing herself to remember what was actually a nice memory. His face softened. She wasn't the only one who remembered.

"You didn't pull away. And in that moment, you saw **me**. For the first time in so long. The papers arrived the next day. I didn't know what to do. But then I saw you with her, reveling in the fact that I was leaving. So, I gave them to you. I put the ball in your court. I hadn't been able to sign yet. I couldn't. Not unless I **knew**, beyond a shadow of a doubt that you wanted me to. But you didn't sign them. You picked me."

She paused. She knew what she needed to say for her own well-being. But she knew he wouldn't like it.

"You may have picked me Derek. But you stayed with her," she saw his face tense and his eyes narrow in anger, "You loved her. Not me. I gave up everything to be here. I gave up New York Derek. My whole life. To be here and watch you love her instead. It was the best revenge you could've ever taken. The best punishment. Even when we made love. I was her in your mind. I was in your arms; she was in your heart. We are in the exact same place we were in New York. You've never tried once to fix us."

"Addison…" he wanted to interrupt her. He was angry. How dare she bring Meredith into this. How dare she blame him for not 'getting over it" fast enough.

"No Derek," she knew he needed to know this, "he came here for me. He wants me to come back to him. He's probably still sitting at Joe's waiting for me."

"Then go back to him Addison. We're done."

He got up, stormed past her.

"Derek…"

"No, if you can't wait for 'it to pass,' you can leave. I don't care."

He slipped his shoes on and stormed out.

She leaned into the doorframe.

"Now what do I do?"


	2. Missing

Thank you to my reviewers: Candice, Belle1220, EvilMistress007, and Rachel.

!#$&

Chapter 2 - Missing

Richard was flipping through paperwork at his desk when Patricia walked in.

"Chief, we have a problem."

He looked up with a look of incredulous annoyance.

"Does it have to be **my** problem, or could it be **your **problem?"

She rolled her eyes at him.

"You're gonna want to personally handle this problem. One of your surgeons has yet to arrive to work. We, and I mean you, have some unhappy patients to do deal with."

"Who isn't here," he asked, shocked and concerned.

"Dr. Sheppard, Addison."

!#$&

"So why the hell did I walk in on McDreamy in the bathroom this morning?"

Izzie slammed her charts onto the counter and glared at Meredith.

"Because you don't know how to knock," Meredith smirked back at her.

"Meredith-"

"No Izzie," Meredith interrupted, "this isn't your business."

"He's married Meredith. Addison works here. Above us, might I add. What are you doing?"

"Nothing happened Izzie. He needed a friend. I was there for him. This conversation ends **now**."

"Meredith –"

Izzie didn't get the chance to finish before Meredith was out of earshot.

!#$&

"Derek."

"Chief, what can I do for you this morning," Derek raised his head, slightly acknowledging Richard's presence.

"You could tell me where your wife is," Richard demanded.

Derek paused and turned to face him.

"I'm not Addison's keeper. Try calling her," he started to walk away.

"We tried that," Richard moved to block his path, "she's not answering at the trailer and her cell phone is turned off."

"She must not have wanted to talk, or she's out of range," he tried to move past Richard.

"Not powered off Derek, shut off. As in 'number no longer in service.' What the hell happened!"

"Addison is an adulterous bitch, Richard. That's what happened."

Derek pushed past Richard and flew down the hallway.

!#$&

"Izzie won't get off my back," Meredith pouted on the bench next to Cristina.

"Maybe cause she thinks Derek's on yours," Cristina remarked.

"It's none of her business," Meredith commented defiantly, ignoring Cristina's wit.

"Then why do you care?"

"I don't know. I just don't want Izzie mad at me."

"What did happen with you and McDreamy," Cristina asked pointedly.

"Seriously," Meredith turned to Cristina.

Cristina just smiled.

"Seriously."

"We just talked," Meredith looked away, "we're friends. Friends talk."

"Yeah, I know I'm prone to **talking** with my exes when they show up in the middle of the night."

"It wasn't the middle of the night. He was there when I got back from the bar. Where, just to make things really strange, I was drinking with Mark."

"Did anything happen with McSteamy."

"Cristina! NO!"

"McDreamy?"

"I'm leaving now."

!#$&

Izzie was standing at the nurses' station, going over charts for patients. Addison's patients.

"Alright Stevens," Bailey started, "with Dr. Sheppard out today, we get to pick up the slack. Who's first on the list?"

"McQuaid, Lorelai. She was admitted 2 days ago and put on bed rest until Dr. Sheppard could get all of her test results back. She's 7 months pregnant and her body is overwhelmingly stressed by the pregnancy. Dr. Sheppard was considering an early cesarean."

"Your well briefed," Bailey gave her a rare look of approval.

"Yeah, Dr. Sheppard had me pretty involved. Where is she?"

Bailey looked at Izzie, debating.

"This doesn't leave this conversation," Bailey's voice lowered.

Izzie nodded.

"She's MIA. Literally. The Chief went to Derek, who didn't know and didn't seem to care. She's not answering at the trailer and her cell has been disconnected."

"That's not like her," Izzie voice was filled with worry, "she wouldn't abandon her patients."

"That's what I thought," Bailey shrugged, "but that's what seems to have happened."

"Well," Izzie scoffed, "that explains one thing."

"What's that," Bailey raised her eyebrows.

"I shouldn't say."

"I shared, you share. That's an order."

"Derek showed up at the house last night. And left this morning with us."

Bailey's eyes closed for just a moment.

"Well, I guess Dr. McDreamy might know more than he let on. Come on, Stevens. Let's let Mrs. McQuaid know there'll be a slight delay."

!#$&

"So he's back."

"George," Meredith pleaded, "don't do this now. Please"

"No, of course I won't. Cause I don't have a right to know if you're picking up your affair in 'our' house," he railed at her.

"Wow," Meredith's mouthed dropped in shocked, "well, it isn't 'your' house and I'm not having an affair with Derek. Not that it is any of your concern."

"He has a wife. Who's one of our bosses. In case you'd forgotten."

"NO! I haven't forgotten that she works here. And I haven't forgotten she's his wife. I also haven't done anything to make anyone think any different," Meredith wanted to cry.

"Right, cause you not sleeping with him is so believable," he shot back.

She slapped him.

"How dare you!"

Before he could say anything, she was gone.

!#$&

Smack

Derek felt a chart collide with the back of his head and whipped around to exact revenge.

"What the hell-"

"Yeah, that's about where we are right now," Bailey's powerful presence was enough to back him down.

"Dr. Bailey –"

"Don't 'Dr. Bailey' me McDreamy. I've got patients. Actually, I've got my patients and I've got your wife's. My patients were more than enough. I don't need hers. But somebody had to get stuck with them. You know why? Because your wife is missing. Why? That's what you need to tell me."

"Miranda, if I knew where Addison was, I'd have told the Chief. I didn't because I don't. And, frankly, I don't care. Someone should check Mark's hotel. Or New York."

Bailey leaned back and eyed him up.

"Just because you ran back to your mistress isn't reason for me to believe she did."

His mouth gaped.

"I did not run to Meredith, who is not my mistress."

"You're a damn fool. You think messing with nurses gets bad. Wait to see how I treat people who lie to me."

"I'm not lying," he yelling, "and I outrank you so maybe you should rethink your tone."

"You can't do anything to me **Dr.** Sheppard. I'm too busy picking up after your missing wife. And I know your ass is lying. You maybe a good liar but you pissed off half **my** interns. I got people get slapped and not talking to each other. That affects **my** day. So what you can do is find your damn wife!"

Before he could get another word in, she walked off.

"And one more thing…"

He reluctantly looked up at her, a defeated expression on his face.

"What makes you think either of you is enough to keep her from her patients?"

She turned and walked away, leaving him to ponder, for the first time, where Addison really was.

"Now what do I do?"

Well, I feel bad for the way I ended the last chapter. But apparently not bad enough.

I'll try to get another chapter up in the next 24 hours. (I put this one up at 10:11pm est)


	3. What's Best?

Ha! Less than 12 hours later, I'm back.

Thank you to my reviewers: Rachel, AnglChild, Elm-Tree10, Vinh.

This is also posted at My internet home. Same username (DrMcQPS)

Oh, and since I keep forgetting:  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. I don't have any money. Leave me alone.

* * *

Chapter 3 – What's Best?

Derek paced in his office; considering the day's quandary. Where the hell was Addison? Bailey was right, she wouldn't abandon her patients. No matter how mad they had ever been with each other, they never let work falter. The importance of work was the root of the problems in their marriage.

He thought of where she might have gone. He didn't want to consider what was first and foremost in his mind. Mark.

Bailey was right, he ran to his mistress. Why not her to hers?

He sat at his desk and pulled out the phone book. He started dialing the number of every ritzy hotel he could find.

"I'm sorry sir…"

"Sir, there's no one here…"

"Dr. Montgomery isn't checked in here…"

"No, there isn't a Dr. Sheppard here…"

"No one matching that description…"

"The number you are calling has been disconnected and is no longer in service."

He knew Richard had already checked the cell, but when he couldn't find her at any hotel, he had to try.

She truly was missing.

There was only one person left to call.

!#$&

The sound of his cell woke him up. His head was pounding and he couldn't quite open his eyes. He reached for where he thought he had left his phone the night before. When he finally grasped it, he thought he was still asleep.

"Hey, it's me."

"Derek," he questioned, though he'd know the voice anywhere. You never forget your best friend's voice.

"Put her on," he demanded.

"Huh," Mark absent-mindedly looked around the room, though he knew he was alone.

"Addison, let me speak to her," Derek sounded more insistent, even desperate.

"I don't know how to tell you this man," he paused, taking the situation in, "she's not here. I haven't seen her since the elevator."

"Stop covering for her, I have to talk to her," Derek was almost yelling.

"I'm not making this up Derek. Have you tried her cell?"

Mark started throwing his clothes on as he waited for a response. If Derek didn't know where she was, something had gone terribly wrong. Unless you were a dirty mistress.

"It's disconnected and no one is answering at the trailer. I can't find her. I've tried every five-star in the city. She's gone."

Derek put his head down on the desk. He couldn't believe this was happening. He had no idea where his wife was. He was left with only one option.

"You have to help me Mark. I need your help. It isn't like her to disappear."

"Yeah, that's what you do," Mark shot back, instantly regretting it.

"I don't need this right now," Derek yelled back, "she's abandoned her patients. No one in Seattle has heard from her."

"When was the last time you saw her?"

"When I left the trailer last night."

"Did something happen with a patient?"

"No," Derek sighed, dreading the next part, "she had told me that she stayed with you and why you were in Seattle. I told her to go find you because we were over. I left and she's been missing ever since."

Mark took a deep breath, trying to find some shred of hope to give the guy. Not that he really wanted to.

"You're right; it isn't like her to abandon her patients. Have you checked any of her favorite spots in Seattle?"

"She doesn't have any," he admitted, "she's miserable here. The only people here I can she'd call are screaming at me because I don't know where she is."

"Tough break," Mark tried to sympathize, "but what do you want from me?"

"I don't know," Derek paused, looking around, "I just need to know where she is. If she's alright. Can you help me find her?"

Mark thought about it for awhile. He felt as helpless as he knew Derek must.

"I'll call some people in New York. If she went back there, she would have called some one. I'll start with Savy."

"Any other ideas," Derek was desperate, he'd take any help he could get.

"Well, there must be somewhere in Seattle you two have spent time. Check anywhere she's been since she got here. And you said you checked the five-stars; try all the hotels. If she was trying to hide, that's where she'd go. Where she thinks no one would look for her."

Derek breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you. I mean it. I need to find her."

"Save the pleasantries. I'll update you after I make the phone rounds."

With that Mark hung up and began calling the entire city of New York. He had to find her. Preferably before Derek. He admitted that Derek did sound sincerely scared. It wasn't good enough though. Not after how he'd treated Addison. Mark was determined to find her first.

!#$&

Derek was running out of the hospital to his car. He wanted to go to the place they'd had lunch after he picked her. With the viewfinders.

"Derek," Meredith called after him, "are you okay?"

"No," he answered honestly, looking into her eyes for comfort.

"I heard she's just disappeared. Do you have any idea-?"

"No," he interrupted, shaking his head, "I was certain she'd gone to Mark but –"

"She didn't," Meredith cut in, "he was sitting with me at the bar. She never showed."

"I know," his head dropped in defeat, "I called him, to help me find her. I couldn't think of anyone else."

She thought about how exhausted he looked. He was miserably distraught.

"What can I do?"

He looked at her and tried to smile.

"I can't ask you to do that."

"You didn't. I'm volunteering."

He considered her proposal. He needed help to find Addison. If he could bring himself to ask Mark, why not Meredith?

"I'm going to check a few of the places we've been in Seattle. I know she's not at any of the fancy hotels in the area. Mark," he flinched a little, "Mark suggested some of the 'less hospitable' spots. He thought she'd hide there."

"I'll go through the phone book," she assured him, squeezing his shoulder, "I let you know what I find."

"Thank you, Meredith, I-" he started.

"You don't have to say anything. I'm your friend and I'm reacting like your friend. Not your 'not friend.' We'll find her. Everything will be okay."

He tried to smile at her response. He went to speak again but just gestured to the door. She nodded and watched him leave.

!#$&

She threw open the door to the locker room. Cristina, Izzie, George and Alex all looked up at her.

"Okay listen," she yelled with a firmness in her voice they weren't used to, "I don't care what you believe about me, or think about me, or say about me. But I am Derek's friend. And he needs my help. And I think all of you are **my** friends," she glanced at George, who looked away, "so I need your help too. We've all heard Addison is missing. Derek is so desperate to find her that he called Mark. Yes, Mark is helping Derek find **his wife**. And all of you are going to help me."

She took a deep breath and looked at them, daring them to cross her.

"What can we do?"

Izzie was the first to speak up. She walked over to Meredith.

"My patients need their real doctor back. And she's my teacher. I want her to be okay."

"Thank you Izzie," Meredith smiled gratefully at her concession.

"He wants me to check all the hotels, ALL of them. Even the dumps. Especially the dumps. Ask for Dr./Mrs./Ms. Addison/Montgomery/Sheppard. Any combination. Hell, ask for any gorgeous redheads that have checked in since last night."

"And then what," Alex scoffed, "if she doesn't want to be found. What do we do when we find her/if we find her?"

"Tell Derek," Meredith said firmly, "that's all. We don't need to get involved directly. That is between the Drs. Sheppard. We're just helping him find her."

"Alright, give me a list," Cristina conceded, "I'm still heading home though. I'll call from there."

"Thank you," Meredith emphasized sincerely.

Alex and Izzie followed suit, taking their yellow pages and leaving quietly. It was only George and Meredith left.

"We need to talk-" George began.

"Yeah, we do," Meredith agreed, "but right now, I need your help. This isn't about McDreamy. This is about Dr. Sheppard. My friend. Are you in?"

He looked at her, honestly debating the situation. He chuckled, shaking his head.

"Gimme a sheet," he conceded pitifully.

"Thank you George, seriously. It means a lot to me."

He raised his eyebrows at her, took his pages and left quietly.

Meredith leaned back against the lockers.

"Now what do I do?"

* * *

Hee hee. Well, all chapter-by-chapters end with cliffhangers. And I update often so I know you'll survive.

Now, go review! Please?


	4. Oblivion

Thank to my reviewers (from Ch 3): Rachel, Lindy, and I Die

This one is up almost exactly 12 hours later. Does that make the cliffhangers alright? I'll update often. Good compromise in my bood.

Please review!

* * *

Chapter 4 – Oblivion

Her eyes slowly opened. She was unsure of her surroundings. She rolled over to look at the clock. She'd been asleep for 15 hours she quickly realized.

She knew panic should have been settling it. She never called Richard to tell him she wouldn't be in. She never called anyone; except the phone company. She didn't want to hear from anyone; didn't want to find the voicemails. She never even technically decided not to go to work.

She let herself shutdown. She was numb. She hadn't cried yet. She hadn't felt anything but shock. She felt no guilt, no remorse, and no fear. She was nothing. She was a void.

She knew people would be worried about her. Well, maybe not people. Richard would worry about her. Bailey might even be concerned.

She couldn't think about that. She couldn't think about anything. She wasn't ready.

She pulled the covers over her head. She almost felt like she had ceased to exist. That the world under the covers was someplace safe and invisible.

She had never felt more alone. When Derek left, she knew she couldn't stay there. Not with everything said and unsaid hanging in the air. She'd considered going to Mark. That was a whole other can of worms however. She knew exactly how Mark would react, he'd hold her, tell her everything would be alright, that he'd protect her and take care of her. Addison wanted two arms around her; she wanted a deep voice to assure her that there was still something left in her life to hold on to. But she didn't want it from Mark. She wanted Derek. Maybe that was selfish, but she didn't care. She didn't exist under the covers.

She was starting to feel guilty. She had patients. She has responsibilities to the hospital. And Richard would be concerned about her as more than one of his surgeons.

She rolled out of the bad and landed on the floor. She sat there for a second, considering her next move.

She slipped on shoes and a hooded sweatshirt. She grabbed the motel's room key off the table and walked out. She had remembered seeing a pay phone at the gas station next door. It didn't look like a place Addison Forbes Montgomery Sheppard would normally frequent, but neither was the roach kingdom she was temporarily staying at.

She pulled some change out of her pocket, deposited it into the phone and dialed a familiar number. She was relieved that he was the one to answer.

"Hey, it's Addison"

- - - - -

He was in shock.

"Addison, where are you? Are you alright?"

Chief Webber sounded panicked, and desperate. Addison felt guilty for being the one who caused that fear. But she also knew he wasn't going to like what she had to say.

"I'm sorry I haven't called sooner-"

"Don't worry about that; just tell me where you are and what I can do to help."

"I need a couple of days, Richard."

He paused.

"Addison," he began, his voice filled with concern, "where are you?"

"I can't tell you that Chief," her voice was starting to crack. She knew she wasn't ready to talk to anyone.

"I'll be back in a couple of days."

"Addison, your patients-"

"-Will be fine. Stevens is fully briefed."

"But Addie, you're their doctor."

"I can't be their doctor right now. I can't be anything. I'll call you in a couple of days."

"Addison, wait," he paused, wishing he could keep this conversation going, "is there any way to reach you."

"No," she responded quickly, "goodbye Richard."

And before he could get anything else out, she was gone.

She practically ran back to her room. She threw herself under the covers and cried. Now the feeling was returning, as she knew it would. The only thing she didn't know was if she could survive it.

- - - -

Derek walked into the trailer, defeated. He'd been to every single spot he knew of that she'd ever been. When he saw the light blinking on the machine, he walked over to it and hit the play button, expecting to hear nothing but people begging Addison to pick up the phone.

"Addison, it's Richard, I don't know if you noticed but you haven't exactly shown up to work yet. Are you there? Ok, well, I'll try to call your cell. If you get this before I find you call me."

"Addison, it's Dr. Bailey, since you've decided to go MIA, I'm stuck with your patients. Stevens seems well-versed enough, but it'd be nice if I could talk to you about **your** patients."

"Hey, Dr Sheppard, it's, um, Izzie Stevens. No one has heard from you all day. Mrs. McQuaid's test results are back and I think we could do the cesarean early like you had wanted. We just need your say. And, um, I don't know what happened with you and the other Dr. Sheppard….but I hope you're okay. You can call me if you need to talk, about anything. Seriously."

"Addie," Derek flinched at the sound of his own voice, "are you there? Please pick up. I don't know how to find you if you aren't at home. I'm sorry for running out on you last night. Everyone at the hospital is really worried. **I'm** really worried. Please call me, call anyone. I just want you to be okay."

"Addison, it's me. I really doubt you're gonna pick up if you can hear this, but I know you'll listen. Your husband called me and told me what happened last night. I'm proud of you. You needed to tell him the truth. I'm sorry for his reaction. I decided not to leave Seattle just yet, under the circumstances. I still love you Addison," Derek shot daggers at the machine, "I'm here if you need me. Please call me, just so I know you're alright."

"Derek," his head shot up, "it's Savy. Mark just called me. I haven't heard from her. I went by the brownstone and she's not there. There's no sign of her. She hasn't been seen anywhere. She's not registered at any of her favorite hotels. Listen, I don't think she left Seattle. I know she wouldn't leave you like that. I know you're hurting and I am truly sorry. I'm gonna run out to your place in the Hamptons tomorrow and check there. It's quiet this time of year. She might have gone there. But like I said, I think she's still in Seattle. Good luck, Derek. If you need anything else, Weiss and I are here for you."

"Derek, it's Richard, if you're there pick up…" Derek looked curiously at the machine, "…she called me. I don't know if she's alright or where she is. She said she needs a couple of days. She seemed to think Stevens could handle her patients for now. There was something in her voice though Derek, it wasn't her. It was empty and dark. I tried to trace the number but I couldn't. I'm sorry Derek. If you need anything, please let me and Adele know. I'll see you tomorrow."

Derek stood there staring at the machine. He didn't know what to do. She wanted time and space. Who was he to deny her that? It didn't sound like anyone could find her.

He decided to give up for the night. He walked over to the fridge to grab a drink and noticed a new edition on the door.

He pulled the envelope open and dumped its contents on the table. A slew of papers slipped out and something shiny that skated onto the floor. Derek barely beat Doc to it. His knees gave out when he realized what he was holding.

He pulled himself up to look at the scattered papers on the table. His heart broke in an instant.

In his hand, he held her wedding rings. Before his eyes were the divorce papers she'd had sent for months ago, upon them her unmistakable script was displayed.

* * *

Thanks for reading! 


	5. Finding Me

Thank you to my reviewers(Ch 4): EOR, Cand, Rach, IDWY, EvilM007, dorgirl, shop87, and Lyndz  
(There's more of you now! Yay!)  
Thanks for sticking with me.

This isn't the most exciting chapter. But I think it had to be in there. Because the journey is important. And this is an ensemble show.

Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 5 – Finding Me

"I don't even know why I'm doing this," Cristina pouted, picking up the phone once more.

"Because you're a good person," Burke replied matter-of-factly.

"Don't say that," she shot back, "Meredith should give up on him".

"I thought she had. They're friends now."

"They can't be friends," Cristina scoffed, "anymore than we could be 'friends.' She's deluding herself. Derek never should have picked Addison-"

"-his wife," Burke pointed out.

"Yeah, yeah, his wife. Because he really acts like he gives a damn."

"It didn't happen over night, Cristina; it can't be fixed that way. It takes time. You've been a great friend to Meredith. You're doing all you can do."

He sat next to her and studied her face.

"You're a good person Cristina," Burke kissed her cheek and rolled over, "good night."

"Good night Burke," she smirked at him, "and no, I'm not."

She dialed the phone one more time for the night.

"Hi, I'm looking to see if a woman checked in last night…"

- - -

"Any luck?"

Izzie stood in the doorway and looked sadly at George.

"Nope," he tuned around and looked at her, "no one matching her name, any combination of it, or her description."

Izzie sighed and sat on the edge of his bed. She turned to face him.

"She's alright, right?"

His lips thinned. He took a deep breath.

"Seriously," she nodded at him, "I don't know Izzie. I hope she's okay. She probably is. Something bad obviously happened with her and Derek. Maybe she just needs time to cool off. Time to check out."

"But, to abandon her patients? It doesn't make any sense. She wouldn't do that?"

"Maybe she didn't have a choice. We spend so much of our lives on-call to other people. If we don't stop once in awhile to be ourselves, we'd go crazy. And her life is exactly perfect these days."

Izzie nodded. She was still scared. She glanced over at George, who was looking back at her sympathetically.

"It's gonna be okay Iz, promise," he said with all the sincerity he could muster.

"Thanks George."

He picked up the phone.

"Hi, in the last 24 hours has a woman…"

Izzie curled up on his bed with her list.

"Hi, I'm checking to see if a friend of mine checked in…"

- - -

"Thanks anyway."

Meredith set her phone down and crossed another name of the list. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes.

"You look like your having as much luck as I am."

Alex appeared in the hallway. He hopped up on the gurney next to her. He pulled out his list full of cross-offs.

"Sorry Mer," he started, handing the list to her, "no one has seen her, anyone who looks like her or anyone who has a name similar to hers."

"Thanks for trying Alex, I really appreciate it."

They both just sat there for awhile. Not saying anything. Not even looking at each other.

"When did we start hanging out down here anyway?"

She chuckled and looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"Seriously?"

He grinned back at her.

"No, I just want to help you. I do have one question though:"

"And that is…" she looked at him suspiciously.

"Why is this so important to you?"

She leaned back at stared at a point on the ceiling.

"When she first got here, I didn't feel guilty. I had been sleeping with her husband for months and I didn't feel guilty. I didn't know he was married. I really felt like I hadn't done anything wrong. Then, he told me why he'd left her. It made me feel justified. She deserved it. She was getting a taste of her own medicine. So I didn't stop things with Derek. He was happy she was leaving. He wanted her gone. He called her 'Satan' for crying out loud."

She threw her hands up in frustration and looked over at Alex.

"But then, he picked her. He didn't sign the papers. He wanted to 'work it out' with her. And what could I say? I just had to sit back and watch them. But I didn't stop loving him. I didn't stop flirting with him. And I started to feel guilty for it."

"And you felt like you were gonna die," Alex added.

"Yeah," she nodded, relieved that he seemed to get it.

"So now you're making amends," he supplied.

"Yeah, I wanna help make it better," she affirmed.

Alex went to say something but his pager interrupted.

"Damnit, Sheppard's nuero-case is being rushed to surgery. I gotta go."

"I hope it goes well."

"Same to you," he gestured towards her phone.

"Don't bring it up to him, during surgery, okay?"

"Agreed"

And Meredith was alone again.

"Hi, I was wondering if a woman has checked in the last 24 hours…"

- - -

Meredith was running through the hospital at top speed. When she reached OR 3, she could barely breathe. Olivia was standing there, looking concerned.

"Dr. Grey? Are you alright?"

Meredith was doubled over, panting.

"Dr. Sheppard….his surgery….is it over?"

"No," Olivia shook her head sadly, "there have been some complications, and he'll be in there for a couple more hours."

"Crap!"

Meredith pounded her head against the wall.

"Anything I can do to help?"

Meredith turned to acknowledge the voice.

"Are you capable of helping in this situation?"

"Ouch," Mark bowed his head, "I've spent all of my waking hours today looking for Addison because Derek asked me to. I've spent the whole day on the phone with everyone Addison has ever met in New York. I'm trying here."

"I'm sorry."

"What do you need to find Derek so badly for?"

"I found her."

Mark took a quick breath and his eyes were wide with shock.

"Where is she? Is she alright?"

Meredith was taken aback by his unabashed emotion.

"I haven't talked to her. I called a motel that has someone matching her description that showed up driving a Mercedes."

"That's her," he looked so relieved, he was almost smiling.

"That's what I think. But Derek's gonna be in surgery for a couple more hours and…" she trailed off, trying to plan the next move.

"Tell me where she is, I'll go to her," he demanded.

"No, you're part of why she disappeared. I don't think you're what she needs right now. But I don't want to risk her leaving…" Meredith suddenly smiled.

"I know who can help."

- - - -

"You found her! Seriously! How is she? Where is she? Does Derek know? What's happening?"

Izzie jumped up from George's bed, practically knocking him off of it.

"Is that Meredith?"

George's whisper incited a quick nod from Izzie.

"For a couple more hours? But what if she…" Izzie trailed off, listening closely.

"Oh, okay, are you sure? What do I say? What do I do? Very reassuring. Of course I'll do it. Give me the address."

Izzie started looking for a pen. George handed her his and some paper. Izzie smiled back at him gratefully.

"Yeah, I'm ready. O-kay, I've got it. I'm on my way there now. Yeah, I'll call you. You're welcome Mer."

"So," George looked at her questioningly, "can I come to."

"I thought you'd never ask."

- - - -

They had arrived quickly to the motel; thanks in large part to the late hour and George's insane driving. They parked right next to Addison's car; they'd recognized it immediately. But neither of them had moved since the car stopped. Izzie leaned back in her seat.

"Now what do I do?"

* * *

So, what'd we think?  
I'm not sure when I'll get the next chapter up. It's gonna be very draining, emotionally, to write. But, I promise it will be worth the wait!

See ya in Ch 6!


	6. Beauty in the Breakdown

Sorry about the wait. I wrote this chapter in 3 parts, which is why it took so long to post.

Thank you to: BestThingSinceCookies, LighteningLindy, EndOfRainbows, Rachel, Belle1220, USuckIRock27, ShoppingGal87, AbbeyAnnMD, BrathanFan.  
I love you guys! Thanks for reviewing!

* * *

**Chapter 6 – Beauty in the Breakdown**

**6A – Breakdown**

"So…are you gonna go talk to her?"

George looked over at Izzie, who looked like a deer in headlights.

"George," she was shaking, "what do I say?"

"Something, anything. You work with her, you're kinda her friend, right?"

She was just looking into space.

"Sure. I guess."

"Listen, Iz, you can do this. Meredith is counting on you. Addison needs you."

Izzie took a deep breath and opened the car door.

"Thanks George," she got out of the car, "you're gonna wait here, right?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna call Mer and let her know we're here," he smiled at her.

Izzie walked away from the car towards Addison's room. She paused and then with a new-found resolve, she knocked on the door.

"Addison, are you there?"

- - - -

She re-awoke to the sound of a car nearby. Very nearby. She slid out of bed slowly and crept towards the window. She peeked out the window and jumped back. What were Izzie and O'Malley doing here? How had they even found her?

She hid back underneath the covers. Maybe they'd go away. Maybe they were at the motel for their own reasons. They reminded her of her and Derek as interns. Derek was so dorky back then. She was still gorgeous, of course. She smiled at the memory and then felt the familiar tug of pain on her heart.

How had everything gone so wrong?

She jumped when she heard the knock and Izzie's concerned voice. She was frozen in place. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't face them right now.

"Addison, please, let me in. I know that's your car. I just want to know if you're alright. Everyone is so worried."

Addison trusted the sincerity in her voice. Everyone is worried? She couldn't believe anyone in Seattle would have given it a second thought. Yet, Stevens was at her door, begging for an invitation in.

"Addison, I'm not leaving until I know you're alright. Let me in."

The demanding tone cause Addison to realize that there was no turning back. She was caught. She walked over to the door and cracked it open.

Izzie's eyes widened and her mouth dropped slightly. Addison always looked so put together, so amazing, so flawlessly perfect. But now, she was a mess. Her hair and clothes were crumpled. She had no makeup and her eyes were puffy from crying.

Addison walked away from the door and laid back down on the bed. Izzie followed her, closing the door and sitting on the edge of the bed looking at Addison.

Neither of them spoke for what seemed like an eternity. Izzie knew she was going to have to start. But how? What should she say?

"Mrs. McQuaid's test results came back. She seems to be ready for an early cesarean."

Addison looked at her, eyes filled with guilt.

"I'm sorry I abandoned you with my patients, it was irresponsible and unprofessional. I've never done that before."

Izzie smiled back at her, remembering George's earlier words.

"We live our entire lives on-call to others. Sometimes our sanity needs us to give it all up once in a while. And, if you've never done it before, you were overdue."

Addison smiled gratefully at her. This was easier than she thought it'd be. Then again, they were just dealing with each other as doctors. They weren't dealing with the polka-dancing Technicolor elephant in the room.

"So," Izzie began slowly, "how are you?"

Addison closed her eyes and her lip quivered.

"I don't know. I feel like I've lost everything. I feel like I can't breathe. Maybe I just don't want to. I just…" she trailed off as she began to sob.

Izzie laid on the bed next to her and rubbed her arm.

"Hey," she started gently, "it's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay. Just take deep breaths."

Addison complied and looked tearfully at Izzie.

"He doesn't love me anymore. I've been fooling myself. I messed everything up too badly."

"What happened last night," Izzie asked, confused.

"I told Derek that after he left New York, I…" she closed her eyes, dreading saying it again, "I stayed with Mark. I thought Derek was never going to forgive me. I guess I was right."

"Wow," Izzie felt overwhelmed by the whole situation, "he must have freaked."

"He told me it was over," her tears started falling again, "and he left. It's really over. I never truly had him back. And now I know it."

Izzie noticed that Addison was playing with her ring finger and realized Addison caught her staring.

"Seriously?"

"I signed the papers that I gave him before and left my rings. He's free now. He can be with Meredith. He can be happy again."

"What about you," Izzie couldn't believe how this strong woman was giving up.

"I don't know and I can't begin to care right now. I just need to stop hurting Derek."

She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. Izzie, in turn did the same.

"He's not thinking about that right now, I assure you."

Addison turned her head, looking confused.

"I don't follow."

"He's been going crazy trying to find you."

"Seriously," her face was shocked but her eyes were filled with hope.

"You've missed a lot in 24 hours."

"Catch me up," she rolled back over to face Izzie.

"Well, it started with Derek showing up at the house last night. But don't panic," she'd caught Addison's flinch, "Meredith wasn't even home. And when she got home they just talked. I know because she spent all day screaming at anyone who suggested otherwise. And she slapped George."

"What!"

"Yeah, they've got their own issues. But on top of all of that, Meredith has organized the Seattle division of your search party."

"The what," Addison choked, almost smiling and laughing.

"Yeah, Derek was so upset that, as I understand it from Meredith, he called Mark, who spent the whole day in the New York division of the search. Derek has been to every place in Seattle you've ever been and Meredith recruited us, me, George, Alex, and Cristina to call every hotel/motel in the city. We were going to pass the info along to Derek once we knew everything but when Meredith found you here, Derek was in surgery. Mark volunteered to come but Mer wouldn't let him. She called me and here I am."

Addison took a deep breath. It was too much to take in. Derek and Mark were both looking for her. Meredith was in charge of her search party. She had a search party.

"I can't believe this. I didn't think any of you liked me. You've spent your entire night looking for me. Why?"

"We do like you. You're my boss. You're one of us. The doctor's club. No one hates you. It's just weird."

"Cause I cheated on McDreamy and broke Meredith's heart?" she kind of pouted.

"No, well, maybe in the beginning. But you didn't hurt Meredith. Derek should have told her. And as for McSteamy-"

"Wait," she interrupted, her eyebrows shot up, "you named him **McSteamy**?"

"Yeah, mostly because once we saw you, we couldn't blame you," Izzie tried to make her smile.

It didn't work. A shadow passed over Addison's face.

"I'm not in love with him," she started to explain, "I never was. But he was Derek's friend and there were things about him that reminded me of Derek and he was always there for me. When the three of us went out and Derek got called away, as he always did, he told me to stay, have fun. Mark became my placeholder for Derek. He said all the right things, he held me when I cried. He took care of me when Derek left. I used him to not be alone. I used him to fill Derek's place in my heart. But he couldn't. No one can. I hate that I hurt him too. But that seems to be what I'm good at."

Izzie held her hand sympathetically.

"We all do stupid things."

"I can't believe the last 24 hours. What a nightmare. What do I do now?"

A knock interrupted their thoughts.

Addison froze. Izzie bit her bottom lip.

"Hey, it's George, let me in."

They both breathed a sigh of relief.

Izzie opened the door and he flew in. And went straight to the bathroom. Izzie and Addison looked at each other, and immediately burst out laughing.

They'd almost managed to contain themselves when he reemerged.

"Oh yeah, and Dr. Sheppard's surgery just ended. They're on their way."

Izzie's face paled and Addison threw the covers over her head.

George leaned back against the wall.

"Now what do we do?"

**6B – Beauty**

"Addison, come out, now"

"No, I'm not ready."

Izzie tapped her foot on the floor and looked over a George with a 'do something' glare.

"Um, Add-, Dr. Shep-, will you just come out! They're gonna be here soon."

Izzie's pager gave them all pause.

"Oh shoot."

Addison peeked out from under the covers.

"What?"

"It's Mrs. McQuaid," Izzie looked stunned, "the baby's in distress, Bailey just paged me."

Addison jumped out of bed and threw her shoes on.

"This is entirely my fault. I'm going with you."

"But, Dr. Sheppard's on his way."

"George, this is my patient. If I hadn't 'checked out' she'd have already given birth."

George and Izzie looked at each other. They knew there was nothing they could do to stop her.

"I'll drive," George volunteered.

They rushed out of the room in silence.

- - - - -

"We found her," Meredith announced to Alex as he exited the OR.

"Great, the mystery is solved," he replied.

"So did you warn them," Alex asked, exiting the OR.

"I called George," she replied, "He said Izzie has been in there with Addison since they got there. He's been in the car so he doesn't know anymore."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"What's Sloan been up to," he gestured to the guy sitting on the floor a few yards away.

"Pouting," she replied simply.

Derek walked out of the OR feeling relieved. His patient had made it. That relief faded when he saw Alex, Meredith and Mark waiting for him in the hallway. Looking at him.

"What," Derek questioned Meredith, "did you find her? Is she alright?"

Meredith looked nervous and glanced at Mark and Alex for a moment before she began.

"I found her and-"

"Where is she," he demanded.

"On her way here."

Dr. Bailey's sudden appearance caused everyone to turn.

"And before you start interrogating **me** Sheppard. I didn't find her. I paged Stevens, who was with her. One of her patients needs surgery. Now. Stevens is the intern on the case, so I paged **her**. Your **wife** decided she'd come back and do her job. And since she has a job to do, you, and I mean all of y'all, are gonna stay away. Don't jump on her when she walks in the door and don't stare at her from the gallery. Leave the poor woman alone!"

Derek was breathing heavy with a look of shock on his face. She was alright. She was coming back to work. She hadn't left Seattle. She was coming to the hospital. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was frozen in the hallway.

Mark, Meredith, and Alex just stood there, thinking similar thoughts. They didn't know what to do or where to go. Alex looked at Meredith, questioningly. She got his silent message and nodded. She walked over to Derek and grabbed his arm.

"Come on, let's go wait in the interns' waiting room."

Alex gestured to Mark that he should follow.

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith began, turning slightly.

"I'll page **you** when it's over."

Meredith gave her an attempted smile and continued walking Derek as close, yet as far from his wife as she could.

- - - -

Addison leaned over the scrub room sink. Luckily, the surgery went perfect. Mrs. McQuaid and her daughter were both going to be fine. She still couldn't shake the guilt that it was no thanks to her. She gasped as she went to grab her rings from the pin on her scrubs. They weren't there. And she didn't think they'd ever be again.

Izzie had been watching Addison pretty carefully. Yes, she'd been watching Dr. Sheppard during surgery. But she was much more concerned about Addison. She walked up behind her and put an arm around her shoulders. No one else was tall enough to do that, she thought and chuckled a little.

Addison looked over at her, part gratefully and part questioning.

"What's so funny?"

"We're both freakishly tall."

They both started cracking up. Bailey walked in and looked at them both like they were crazy.

"What the hell is wrong with you people?"

"You're short," Addison shot back, making her and Izzie's laughs turn to hysterics.

Bailey rolled her eyes.

"Does this mean you're feeling better?" she asked, sincerely.

"No," Addison replied soberly, looking at Izzie, "it means I have a good friend."

"I was happy to help," Izzie smiled back at her.

"So what are you gonna do now?" Bailey asked curiously, "because I promised that after the surgery I'd page Meredith. She's god-knows-where with Sheppard, Sloan, and Karev."

"I'm sure George is there too," Izzie added quietly.

Addison looked back into the OR, where everything made sense. There were no covers to hide from now. She had to stop running. She had to face the three people in the world she least wanted to see right now. She looked at Izzie and Miranda.

"Can you **not** page them," she asked Bailey.

"Addison, I-" Bailey started.

"Izzie, where are they," she interrupted.

"Probably where we always go, in the basement," Izzie responded, confused.

"Take me there," she said, looking at Miranda.

Izzie looked at them both. Miranda nodded. Addison looked back at Izzie.

"Ok," she responded, taking a deep breath, "follow me."

- - - -

"It should've been over by now."

Derek was pacing the darkened hallway. George, Alex, Meredith, and Mark all watched him.

"Man, you gotta chill out. You need to be relaxed when you see her."

Derek turned and for a second they thought he'd charge Mark.

"Don't you dare tell me what I should do or how I should feel."

"Okay I get that I screwed up," Mark looked up shaking his head, "but I'm here. I'm trying to help. I've been trying to help all day actually. I get that I've lost **my** best friend. You however, still have **yours**. I'm standing here Derek."

Derek turned to look out the window. He didn't know what to say. Yes, he appreciated Mark's help but things were different. He didn't feel he could lean on him as friend, not over this.

"Hey."

They all turned to the entrance, slightly disappointed at the sight of Cristina and Preston.

"What's going on? I heard Addison was performing surgery? Who found her? Why did no one call me?"

"I didn't want to wake you," Meredith explained, "Derek was in surgery. I sent Izzie and George. Bailey paged Izzie because of one of Addison's patients and when Izzie came, Addison came. Bailey's supposed to page us when the surgery is over."

Cristina and Burke looked at each other confused.

"The surgery was over when we came down here," Preston started.

"Sorry Grey," a voice came from behind them, "I asked Miranda not to page you since I was coming down here. I just had to change out of my scrubs first."

They were shocked to see Addison and Izzie standing behind Cristina and Burke.

Derek rushed over and stopped just short of her. He was looking her up and down. He couldn't believe his eyes. She'd never looked so frail to him before. He saw fear in her eyes. She quickly averted hers. She walked past him over to the gurneys and right up to Meredith.

"Thank you, for finding me," Addison began slowly, "I appreciate your concern."

Meredith's mouth was still hanging open at Addison's appearance and nodded slightly.

Mark walked over to her, speechless, looking directly into her eyes. She held his gaze.

"Thank you as well," she spoke softly with little emotion.

"I did what I could. Wrong city though. You'd better call Savy. She's worried. Sorry about that," he looked genuinely apologetic that he'd alerted to the biggest city in the world the state of her sanity.

She nodded, processing the enormity of the search. She still couldn't believe they cared so much.

"Yang, O'Malley, Karev, Stevens, Grey. Rounds."

Bailey's voice cut through the silence. The five of them looked at each other and slowly, one by one, decided to walk away. Stevens and Grey went last. Stevens had walked over to Addison and given her a small hug. Meredith gave her a supporting smile. Addison gave them a small smile and a nod back.

"Dr. Burke, do you not have patients," Bailey harped on him. Causing him to give a little bow to the remaining three and follow the interns away. Miranda paused looked at Derek with a protective glare.

"Good night, Miranda," Addison called, "thank you."

"Good luck Dr. Sheppard, and, it's morning now."

She walked away leaving Mark, Addison, and Derek alone together in the dark.

"Now what do we do," Mark asked leaning against the wall."

**6C - Release **

Mark, Derek, and Addison stood in the hallway, avoiding each other's eyes. Their silence was interrupted by Derek's pager. He silently cursed when he saw the message. He looked up to Addison and Mark, who were awaiting the news.

"I have to, um, a patient," he stammered.

"Go, it's alright," Addison affirmed.

He looked at her reluctantly.

"Will you still be here?" he questioned hopefully.

"I won't leave the hospital without telling you," she promised.

He stood there with hesitation in his eyes as he looked at them. He was loathed to leave her alone with Mark. But he knew he had to. He had to trust her; trust them. He forced a smile and walked away. He dreaded what would happen in his absence.

Mark watched Addison, who was staring at the spot Derek had been occupying. He studied her face. He couldn't read her. Her eyes were empty.

"How are you," he began, stuck in a moment of not knowing what else to say.

"Awful," her voice was soft, broken, "I don't know what to do."

"May I make a suggestion," he offered.

She looked into his eyes. She saw his hope, his hesitance, and his fear. She knew what she needed to tell him. She just wasn't sure she had the strength anymore.

"Mark-"

"Wait Addison," he took a deep breath, he had to say his peace, while he still had a chance.

"I'm in love with you Addison. You're strong, beautiful, and my life is better when you're in it. I loved watching you when you sleep. I loved being the first thing you saw when you opened those green eyes. I loved being able to run my fingers through your hair. I loved the feel of you in my arms. I would do anything to protect you. I loved seeing you at the end of a long day. I loved watching you from a distance. When you smile, I smile. I would put you before everything. I would never let a day pass where I didn't show you how much I love you. I want to be the one that you're with forever. I want you to come home with **me** Addison. Please, come back to New York. Come back to me."

She was slightly taken aback by his overwhelming show of emotion. She wasn't surprised; she knew everything he said was true. She was just washed away by the immensity of it all. The power behind his voice was sincere and loving. Very few women could have walked away from him.

"Mark," she started, taking his hand in hers, "you were there for me during the worst time in my life. I thought I was losing Derek to his work. I thought he was falling out of love with me. I thought he'd given up on our marriage. I was devastated. I was lonely and hurt. There were days I didn't know how I'd get through. I thought he was going to ask me for a divorce. You were always there for me. You held my hand to give me strength. You held me when I cried. And eventually I gave in to you. I needed so badly to be loved that I let you love me. But, Mark, I wasn't in love with you. I never stopped loving Derek. I never should've let you believe otherwise. I was so scared and you made me feel secure. I needed you. You helped me heal when he left. You took care of me. You helped me get back to being me. I can never tell you what that meant to me. I will always be grateful to you. You're one of the best friends I've ever had. For that, I do love you. I'm not in love with you though. Whether or not Derek and I make it, I can't end up with you. It isn't fair to you. You deserve more. I want you to have more."

Her eyes were brimming with tears. His were already falling. He looked at her, silently pleading that she'd take it all back.

"Just for the record though," she said through now-falling tears, "when you do find her, I'll be a little jealous.

He chuckled as her pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. She wrapped his arms around him and took one last deep breath of him.

"Can I still be your best friend?"

She smiled at him and pulled out of the hug.

"You'd better be."

He nodded and stepped back from her.

"I'm not surprised by any of it. I'm really not. I do hope you two work it out."

"Thank you," she was grateful for his graceful exit.

"Goodbye Addison," he kissed her on the cheek and walked away.

"Goodbye Mark," she whispered and sat on a gurney, wiping away her tears.

- - - -

Derek walked out of his patient's room and leaned against the wall; and smashed his head back into it.

"You know, that isn't smart, since you are the best head fixer around."

Derek turned towards Mark. He couldn't read the ambiguous expression on his face.

"Maybe Burke could fix the pieces of my heart that are scattered around the country."

Mark chuckled.

"I think there is someone even better. Someone who wants the job."

Derek looked at him, hopefully questioning.

"What'd she say to you?"

"None of your business Shep. I didn't come up here to talk about Addison. I came up to say goodbye."

"You're leaving?"

"New York is my home still."

Derek nodded.

"Mark," he started, quietly "I never, I mean."

"Anytime," he grinned, "like I said, I'm still your best friend. Use at your convenience."

"Yeah, next time, come for awhile. A real visit. Or, I'll come to New York."

Mark grinned, in his charming way. He extended his hand to Derek. When Derek took it, Mark pulled him into a hug.

"Don't let her go this time," he whispered.

Derek nodded, looking gratefully at his best friend.

Mark nodded back and without another word, or gesture, walked away.

"Thank you," Derek whispered after him.

- - - -

When he found her, she was still in the basement hallway. She was asleep on one of the gurneys. He smiled to himself. She was so beautiful. He walked over to her and brushed the hair off of her face.

She must be exhausted, he theorized. It had been such a long day, almost two days at this point. What he had put her through. He was ashamed of himself. He couldn't believe what it took to make him see her.

She stirred. Her eyes fluttered open and confusion crossed her face. She shot up looked around at her surroundings. Derek's arms were there to steady her.

"Hey, it's alright. You're okay."

"I'm sorry, I just put my head down for a second," her groggy voice was apologetic.

"You're exhausted," he remarked aloud, "you need to get some rest."

"My stuff is still at the motel, and my car."

He looked sad, thinking about where she'd been for the last day.

"We'll worry about that later. Let's go home," he suggested.

"Home," she questioned cautiously, "we need to talk Derek."

"And we will," he assured, kissing her head, "but you need rest. Let me take care of you. Then, you can say everything you need to. I'll say everything I need to. We'll go from there."

The optimistic tone in his voice cause a small smile to brighten her face, for a moment.

"What about your patients?"

"I told Richard I was taking a personal day. If someone needs an emergency surgery, I'll come back, but I'm in no condition to work. And I have more important duties to attend to."

He looked directly into her eyes. She was grateful. He pulled her off the gurney and into his arms.

"Come on Addie, let's go home."

* * *

It's not over now yet people.

Derek and Addison will talk. I decided she'd been through enough this chapter.

Well, let me know what you think!


	7. The Greatest Thing You'll Ever Learn

Thank you to my reviewers: EndOfRainbows, BrathanFan, and ShoppingGal87 (Wow, hardly anyone reviewed 6. Hmm...)

Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own them, don't sue me.

* * *

**Chapter 7 – The Greatest Thing You'll Ever Learn**

George caught up with Meredith after Bailey had distributed assignments. She looked at him and braced herself for the unknown that was to come.

"Mer, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I shouldn't have presumed something had happened. It was cruel and you didn't deserve it. What you did to help the Sheppards was amazing. It takes a special person to do something like that. I know you're mad at me, and with good reason, but, I'm sorry."

He panted. He didn't realize how fast he'd spoken. He was relieved however that she'd let him. She smiled back him.

"Thank you George," she replied sincerely, "I get where you were coming from. How it must've looked considering my history, with him, or any other guy. I should've known that being 'friends' with McDreamy would've raised some eyebrows. I appreciate what you did to help last night. Izzie looked pretty grateful too."

Her last statement dripped with insinuations. He blushed a little and looked down.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, chuckling.

"George. Do you like Izzie?"

His face turned beet red and he couldn't help but grin from ear to ear.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," she answered her own question. And walked away.

"Mer wait," he started, panicked, "don't tell her."

"I won't have too," she said smugly, "you will."

She walked away, leaving George standing in the middle of the hallway, mouth gaping.

- - - - -

Izzie and Cristina were sitting by the coffee stand. Izzie couldn't stop yawning and Cristina kept laughing at her.

"This is what happens when you're a nice person," she remarked.

"Yeah well, I'm glad I could help. The sleep deprivation was worth it."

"What did you say to She-Sheppard anyway," Cristina asked, quizzically.

"I was mostly just there for her. I asked her what had happened and she just opened up. I mean, who does she have in Seattle? She needed someone to talk to. Most of the time, I didn't even know what to say. I just treated her like I would any of my friends. Actually, I repeated something George had said to me. It helped. A lot."

"George, our George," Cristina was shocked, "well, I guess it was good he was there."

"It was nice," Izzie mused, "knowing that he was just outside if anything bad happened. He was my backup."

"That explains one thing," Cristina got smug.

"What?" Izzie was confused.

"Why you two have been looking at each other funny all morning," Cristina smirked.

"We have not!"

"Fine, you haven't been," Cristina went all nonchalant.

"Cristina! Seriously!"

"Seriously Izzie, you like George."

"I do not," she emphasized, "besides, George likes Meredith."

"Sure," Cristina allowed, "but he was looking at **you** all morning."

Cristina walked away, leaving Izzie to ponder the events and how they could have possibly led her to thinking about George **this** way.

- - - -

"So," Alex began, sneaking up behind Meredith, "is it all working like you thought it would."

Meredith looked at him suspiciously.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well," he began deviously, "you may be the sole reason for the Sheppards not divorcing."

"Things weren't **that** bad. He was devastated. He wasn't leaving her. He was just hurt and angry."

"I'm not talking about him," he retorted, "Montgomery-Sheppard was the one who walked in sans wedding rings."

"What!" Meredith was shocked. She hadn't noticed.

"Oh yeah. And the funny thing was, in surgery this morning, he was wearing his."

Meredith stood there, stunned. She didn't pay any attention. It had never crossed her mind.

"Wow," was all she could muster.

"Yup, you saved the Sheppards' marriage," he laughed at her.

"Good," she smiled to herself, "I want him to be happy. I really do. I think I may be over it."

"Really," he said in disbelief, "you, over it?"

"Yeah," she said, believing her own words for the first time, "I really am."

"Well then," he said approvingly, "that begs the question..."

"What," she shot back.

"Who's the next guy to get caught in your tangled web?"

She laughed at his faux-serious expression.

"I'm done. For now. But next time, I'm putting out applications. Detailed. There's gonna be hoops."

"Well then," he smiled at her, "put me on the wait list."

He winked at her and walked away.

She stood, staring after him, mouth gaping.

- - - -

George was walking through the atrium café when he saw Izzie sitting alone, eating her lunch. When she saw him she sat up and looked at him nervously. He cracked a small smile and walked over to sit next to her.

"Hey," she greeted oddly.

"Hey," he nodded back with the same expression.

"Um, I never," she started anxiously, "I mean, you were great last night. I don't know what I would've done. If you hadn't been there."

"Izzie," he replied confused, "I didn't do anything."

"Yes you did," she assured, "you made me feel better while we were calling. And you drove me to the motel. And you stayed. You were my backup."

"I was," he replied, surprised, "well, I'm glad I could help you. You should take some credit. You're the one who helped Addison."

"Oh I do," she joked, vainly, "I just wanted to thank you for helping **me**."

She smiled softly at him. He could feel himself relax completely, like he always did with her.

"Anything I could do to help," he assured sincerely.

They smiled at each other and ate their lunch in silence. Shooting smug grins back and forth.

- - - - -

When Derek woke up, he was surprised to find the world cloaked in darkness. He couldn't remember falling asleep. He just remembered watching her. They hadn't spoken on their way home. It wasn't a bad silence. Just overwhelming. They had so much they needed to say. She'd curled up in bed. Same clothes on as before. She'd fallen asleep immediately. He had laid there for what felt like hours before sleep must've claimed him too. Doc had been so worried; he had laid on the floor next to her side of the bed all day. He peeked over her shoulder, at her peaceful face. She hadn't moved. He couldn't believe how she'd slept so long, so still. He knew she couldn't, shouldn't, stay too long.

He quietly crept out of bed into the kitchen. He glanced at the papers she'd left him. They were still spread out on the table. He hadn't signed them. He had no intention of doing so. Unless she asked him. He pulled open the fridge and scavenged for enough to make a couple of sandwiches. He set one on a plate and poured her something to drink. He knew she'd need sustenance. He crept back into their room, setting the drink on her bedside table and sat himself on the side of the bed, trying to avoid their sleeping dog. He gently rubbed her shoulder.

"Addie, honey," he whispered gently, "wake up Addison."

She slowly stirred and blinked her eyes open, looking confused, again, at her surroundings. 'How many places can she wake up in this week,' he thought. He smiled at her and held up the plate like a peace offering. Her tired face showed little, but her eyes were filled with gratitude.

"Thank you," she whispered, taking the plate from him.

"I'm gonna take a shower," he decided aloud, "I left a drink on your table."

She nodded with a small smile. He wanted so desperately to talk to her. He recognized that she needed time. This would give her a little bit. He also thought the shower would be therapeutic for him.

When he reemerged she was no longer in their bed. She was sitting at the table, eating the other sandwich that he'd made. She was starring at the papers. She was so lost in thought she hadn't noticed him standing there.

"That was supposed to be mine," he playful accused.

"Then you should've eaten it," she mimicked his tone.

He moved across the room to sit across from her. He briefly glanced at the papers before looking back into her eyes. This was it. There was no more stalling or delaying. It all had to be laid out. He internally grimaced at the expression.

"I didn't sign them," he started, announcing the obvious.

"I noticed," she remarked, "why?"

He paused before answering. He was studying her face. He didn't want to fight. He wanted to talk. He had to be sure what he said reinforced that.

"I picked you," he started simply, "you are my wife."

"Does that still matter," she responded honestly.

"Yes," he nodded slowly, "it never stopped mattering. When I found you with Mark, I was so devastated, I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't react. I left because I needed time to process. I needed to sort out what had happened."

"And then you met Meredith," she supplied, sardonically.

"Yes, I did," he admitted, "I never planned on Meredith. I wasn't looking for her. I went into Joe's that night just to not be alone. Richard and Adele were the only people I knew in Seattle. I'd changed my cell phone number so no one could call me. I'd shut myself off and I felt alone. I realized I'd been feeling alone for awhile. I didn't want to feel alone. I needed to be around people. So I went to Joe's, and met Meredith."

He paused, taking a deep breath. He didn't know how much to say, how much to share. For the sake of full disclosure, he continued.

"It may have started as a one night stand, but when I realized she worked in the hospital, I tried to be close to her. We bantered the way you and I did so long ago. Her youth reminded me of you and how we used to be. I was addicted to it. I needed to feel that. She reminds me of you. She's not as emotional as a surgeon though. I found myself missing that. I found myself missing having someone who knew me so completely. It was wrong of me not to tell her about you. Not that it changes anything but had you shown up 5 minutes later that first night I would've been the one to tell her. I doubt she would've reacted much different."

He paused again, taking in her reactions. She was unreadable, utterly expressionless. That worried him. He thought she'd be more hurt. Maybe he wasn't surprising her. Maybe she did know him that completely.

"Everything changed when you got here, obviously. I couldn't hide from what happened in New York. I had to face the pain, the hurt, and the betrayal. I resented you for Meredith hating me, at first. I know that I only have myself to blame. I wasn't ready for the way I was feeling. It was all associated with you so I wanted you gone, as far away as possible. Then you handed me divorce papers. I sat in a conference room with them for hours. I couldn't do it. I kept thinking about the day I met you, our first date, and proposing, getting married. **Our** life was flashing before my eyes. I couldn't let us die. I had to save us. So I picked you. My only regret is that I didn't try harder to save us."

"Why didn't you Derek," her voice was desperate for answers and tears shone in her eyes.

"I felt guilty about Meredith. I felt like I had done to her what you had done to me. She was destroyed. I felt like I needed to fix her. I hadn't stopped caring about her though. It was too easy to fall back into the routine that she and I. It was easier than rebuilding our routine. I felt that if I couldn't fix her, I'd never be able to fix myself. Then she almost died. Her mother has Alzheimer's, I spent months lying to her and left her, then she almost dies."

"She's having quite the year," Addison allowed.

"Then Mark showed up. When I saw him, all I could think about was him with you, touching you, making love to you, in our bed. I was enraged. I took it out on his face. I was back in the place I'd been in when I got to Seattle. When I said I hadn't forgiven you, I wasn't lying. I was just admitting a truth I hadn't even admitted to myself. I hadn't forgiven you, and I hadn't tried. When you admitted what had happened after I left, it was the last straw. I wish I could take back how I'd reacted. But if that's what it took for us to honestly say what we feel, I'm glad Mark showed up. He gave you the 'whatever' it took to talk to me that night and now I'm talking to you. I don't know what the next step is Addison, I'll admit that now. But I want to take that step with you. I want to forgive you. I want us to be 'us' again. I love you Addison"

Her tears were rolling down her cheeks and she was softly sobbing.

"You haven't…said that…since I…the first time."

He moved over to her side of the time and wrapped his arms around her. She clutched him and sobbed.

"I should've said is so much sooner Addie," he swore, "I never stopped loving you for a moment. Not even at my maddest."

She tried to compose herself and took a few deep breaths. She looked directly into his eyes and saw the love, the sincerity. She saw Derek again.

"I love you Derek."

He pulled her lips to his in a soft kiss of renewal. They felt the sparks and trembles of a first kiss again.

"Well then," he started, trying to hold back his own tears, "there are three things we need to do."

"What," she asked curiously.

"One, burn these papers. We won't be needing them."

She chuckled and nodded. Derek grabbed the papers with one hand and with his other, Addison's hand. He led her outside, Doc in tow. He threw the papers in the grill and doused them with lighter fluid. He handed Addison the matches. She smiled at him as she struck one and threw it in. He wrapped his arms around her waist as they watched them burn.

"What's two," she asked.

Derek smiled and reached into his pocket as he bent down next to her, on one knee, and pulled out her wedding rings.

"Addison Forbes Montgomery Sheppard, will you stay my wife?"

She took a deep breath as she felt her tears coming back.

"Yes, I do. Or, I will."

They laughed a little as he slipped her rings back on her finger, which was when she noticed it.

"Derek, you're…you're wearing your wedding ring."

His smile was wide as he nodded.

"I put it back on the night I found yours. I thought it was bad luck if neither of us was wearing them."

She laughed as she pulled him up and threw her arms around him. He only pulled back long enough to pull her into a deep, passionate kiss.

"And number three?"

He turned slightly and looked over their surroundings. He turned back to her with his biggest smile yet.

"We, my dear, need to put this land to good use."

Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped at the realization.

"Seriously Derek?"

"On one condition," he looked very serious.

"Anything," she swore.

"We have to keep the trailer in the backyard."

She laughed harder than she had in a long time.

"If I can move out of it, into a house, with a tub, and rooms, you can put that trailer wherever you'd like."

He smiled and pulled her into his arms as he leaned back into the trailer.

"Now what do we do?"

* * *

Hey, you made it!  
It's not over yet. I think the next chapter will be squee based (inside joke from please! how else do I know to continue? 


	8. Squee and Verbal Snuggling

Hey, I'm sorry it has taken so long! I had major writer's block for this chapter.  
Thank you to: Kendel, IDWY, EoR, Belle, ShopGal, USuck, Brathan, Tania, Rachel, Cindy, and Abbey. I love the reviews.

This is shorter than normal, but it's also sweeter. I hope.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 8 – SQUEE and Verbal Snuggling**

**He smiled and pulled her into his arms as he leaned back into the trailer.**

"**Now what do we do?"**

"Well," Addison smiled shyly, "I'm sure we could think of something…"

Derek lifted his eyebrows at her and cocked his head.

"Really," he purred, "I like the way you think."

He brushed his lips against hers and felt her take a deep inward breath. Her skin was covered in goosebumps from his touch. He pulled her closer and she gently kissed up his neck.

"We should move this inside" she purred into him.

"Why," he joked, "no one is around for miles."

He obligingly led her back into the trailer. They walked back into their bedroom. They paused in the entrance and looked at each other with trepidation. Derek made the first move.

He wrapped one arm around her waist and another around her neck as he pulled her in for a soft and slow kiss. She deepened it as he pulled her to the bed. The moment they hit the bed, everything changed.

Their kisses were desperate and urgent. They may have been having sex since Thanksgiving but now, it was different. The issues were still there, and in a way they always would be. But now, they were on the same side.

"I love you," Derek whispered into her hair as she sucked at his earlobe.

Addison paused and looked into his eyes. He was Derek again, her Derek. She was home.

"I love you," she breathed back.

The urgency increased as they began ripping each other's clothes off. Shirts, pants, and undergarments were flying across the room. They were grabbing at each other, touching every inch on the other's body.

When they'd finally "connected" they both let out a gasp of shock. They were complete.

After a few moments they separated, panting. Their eyes never left each other. They smiled like cats who'd caught their pray.

They'd wrapped their arms each other. Derek kissed her forehead. Her eyes closed as she relished every bit of their perfect moment.

"So," he started, grinning, "you wanna do it again?"

Addison half sat up and look at him, in shock. After a couple soft laughs, she grabbed her pillow and bashed it against his face.

He may not have won the impending pillow battle, but he won the war. ;)

- - - - -

Izzie was breathing deep, relishing in what the last few moments had held. She turned her head over to George, who was already looking at her, a peaceful smile gracing his glistening face.

"So," she was grinning, "seriously?"

"Seriously," he affirmed with a new confidence.

"Should we, um," she started nervously, "we didn't do the talking part."

He chuckled, instantly regretting it when she looked crestfallen.

"Izzie," he kissed her hand and looked into her eyes, "we've done the talking part for about 6 months."

She burst out laughing.

"Yeah, I guess we have."

"Besides," he added, "that was the part I was good at."

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"I beg to differ."

"Seriously," he was shocked. He wasn't the guy who usually heard that.

"Seriously," she assured.

"Well then," he began pompously, "let's skip the talking."

He pulled her giggling, squirming body to him.

They passed out much later. In each other's arms.

- - - - -

"So," Meredith started slowly as she snuck up behind Alex, "I've been thinking."

"Yeah," he raised an eyebrow and pretended to not care, "about what?"

"The applications I'm putting out," she answered, nonchalantly.

"Really," he said slyly, turning his body towards her.

"I'm trying to decide on the qualifications," she was smugly confident.

"Well then, you're never going to finish."

She scoffed at his arrogance.

"And why is that?"

"Because," he said simply, with a grin, "then you'd have to figure out what the hell you want."

"Who's to say I don't already know," she shot back.

"Hmm," he pondered, "everyone in this hospital."

She laughed at his cocky humor.

"You think you're so smart huh?"

"Yes, I do."

"Fine then," she got crafty, "what do **you** think I want?"

"It isn't a question of what. It's what you **need**."

Her expression softened at his attempt to understand her. She bit her bottom lip and took a deep breath.

"What do I need Alex?"

"You need someone who won't take your crap."

She started to interrupt. He didn't allow it.

"No. You asked. I'm answering. You need someone who isn't going to follow you around swooning. You want to be lazy in your relationships. You make them come to you. You need someone that you have to chase. You need someone that you can give back everything they'll give to you. You need an equal. And you need someone who **won't** jump into bed with you after a couple of drinks. You need someone you can have a relationship with. You need more than sex and sneaking around."

She was shocked. She'd never expected him to have her so well pegged.

"Well," she started, collecting her thoughts, "I guess I know who I'm going to have screen my applicants."

She smirked at him and walked away.

"What if I want to apply?"

She turned back and smiled at the hope written all over him.

"I'll screen you."

He watched her walk away. And he kept watching long after she was gone.

"Yeah," he nodded, grinning from ear to ear, "yeah you will."

* * *

This is not the end. I have one more chapter to go. Than an epilogue. So remember to come back for more!

And, please review! I accept the anonymous ones, so no excuses!

oh yeah, and props to my Incision gals! I hope we're back up soon!


	9. Resolution

I wrote this even though I hate Derek a lot right now. This is b/c the Addeks don't deserve less fic b/c Shonda is a MurDer (not a typo).  
I hope you all enjoy it!  
Thank you so much to EVERYONE who reviewed this. It meant a lot. And I wouldn't have finished this if you hadn't been there.

* * *

Chapter 9 – Resolution

Derek and Addison pulled into the parking lot of SGH. As Derek pulled the key out of the ignition, he noticed Addison had yet to move. He looked at her concerned.

"Addie," his voice was soft and comforting, "what's wrong."

"They don't like me."

He blinked at looked at her, feeling very confused.

"Who doesn't like you? And why? You're perfect," he smoothed her hair behind her ear.

"Them," she gestured at the hospital, "all of them. And now, I've had a level 20 meltdown that half of them had to pick up after. They hate me."

She pouted in her seat, eyes filled with dread. She knew she was being irrational. But Addison Forbes Montgomery Sheppard wasn't used to being embarrassed or losing control and now that the cold light of reality was flashing before her eyes, she was scanning for rocks to hide under.

Derek got out of the car and walked around to her door. He opened it and unbuckled her seat belt. Then, he pulled her hands into his and looked her straight in the eye.

"I love you Addison, trust me, no one hates you. Everything will be fine today. You can come find me if there are any aftershocks."

She chuckled.

"I lost it, Derek," she whispered, "I let my guard down. I was weak and vulnerable. And I hate that."

She sniffled a little and looked up at him, like a child.

"Hate hate."

He smiled at her and moved a hand to stroke her cheek. Her eyes closed as she leaned into him.

"Everything's going to be fine Addie," he assured with all the confidence he could muster, "I promise. And, I know you don't want to believe me. But the only way to prove me right, or wrong, is to go in there."

"I know," she resigned, "it's just so hard."

"Well," he smiled cockily, "it can't get any worse."

She laughed and put her head against his chest.

"It better not," she warned playfully.

---

"Okay, you two are freaking me out. What the hell's going on?"

"Cristina," Izzie chided, "what makes you think anything's going on?"

"Come on," she scoffed, "you and George have these sickeningly happy grins plastered all over your happy freaking faces."

"Cristina," George feigned innocence, "some people are just naturally happy."

Cristina rolled her eyes and turned her attentions towards Meredith.

"And what's with you? You're all spacey in a teenage girl way."

"Me," Meredith questioned, with an uncharacteristically shy smile towards Karev, "I'm good. Life is good. Everybody's good."

"You've got to be kidding me," Cristina's head spun between Alex and Meredith, "you and Satan's spawn?"

"Yang," Alex interrupted, "get a life."

"Rounds!"

Bailey's appearance at the door caused everyone to jump to attention. Except Cristina, who looked increasingly disgusted.

"Bailey, I need something gross. The bloodier the better."

"Yang, what side of hell did you get up on this morning?"

"The worst, apparently. Happy intern land."

"Yeah, well, I don't care. You're with Burke. Now go spread joy."

Cristina grabbed her case and left the room angrily.

"Izzie, you're with Addison. Meredith, you're in the Pit. Karev, with me. O'Malley, find Derek Sheppard."

-- -

"I wonder what was up with Cristina," Izzie mused at the foursome walked through the halls towards their cases.

"Like she was that unusual," Alex retorted.

"No," Meredith confirmed, "something was definitely different."

"It's Cristina, who knows," George threw back.

Izzie and Meredith looked at each other and shrugged. With Cristina, they were sure they'd eventually know. Eventually.

- -

"So," Cristina started, "I'm with you today."

"I know," Burke responded, "I requested you."

Cristina rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breath.

"What was that Yang," Burke questioned, bemused.

"Nothing, Dr. Burke. Absolutely nothing."

"Hmm, and I thought you might be responding to my question."

"I said I needed space. This is not space."

"I asked you to marry me, Cristina, either you say 'yes' or 'no,' what's so hard."

"You know what's hard? Working with you right now. I'm switching with George."

"Cristina," he shouted after her.

She didn't look back.

- - -

"Dr. Sheppard," Izzie greeted cheerfully.

"Dr. Stevens." Addison responded cautiously.

"So, where do we start?"

Addison stopped and looked at her, questioningly. Izzie just looked back at her innocently. Addison instantly felt better, even smiled.

"Well, we need to check on Mrs. McQuaid and her new daughter."

"Did she decide on a name," Izzie inquired.

"Carrie. Carrie Breanne McQuaid."

"Aww, pretty. What a great way to start the day, huh" Izzie stated pointedly, casting a sideways glance at Addison.

"Yeah," Addison nodded, smiling, "I can't think of anything better."

- - -

"Dr. Yang, I don't suppose you'd like to explain your insistence to get on this case? It's nothing flashy, or complicated," Derek questioned, suspiciously.

"I'd rather not, Dr. Sheppard," she looked nervously at the floor, "it's personal."

"This is a hospital Dr. Yang, there is no personal."

"That's my problem Dr. Sheppard."

He looked at her, pondering what to say.

"Okay, enough said," he decided he felt no need to intrude on her feelings.

"It's just," Cristina started, "how do you know?"

"How do you know what," Derek was lost in her outburst.

"That you can do it, forever," Cristina looked lost, and scared.

"Surgery isn't something you just decided on one day, it takes thought, I'm sure you've"

"Not surgery," she interrupted, frustrated, "marriage. How do you know?"

Derek stepped back and smiled at her, taking in her full situation.

"There's no one answer Cristina. There's no right answer."

"I need an answer. How did you know, Derek?"

She was desperate for any insight he could give her. He chose his words carefully.

"Close your eyes. Think about living without the other person. Not just tomorrow, but years from now. Think about who you'll be. And who'll you be with if it isn't him."

"And," she prodded, nervously.

"If you can't picture yourself as the person you want to be or with anyone else…"

"Then you have your answer," she finished, a blank expression on her face.

"Congratulations, Cristina."

"For what?"

"Your engagement. I know that look. I had it the day I decided to propose."

She looked back at him, not scared, not unsure, but at peace.

"It isn't easy."

"It never is," he agreed, "but the fight makes it worth it."

- - - -

"Sorry you're stuck here all day," Meredith sympathized with a disgruntled Alex.

"Well," he smiled at her, "the day's getting better."

"Really," she teased, "and why's that?"

"Well, I get the chance to do something I've wanted to do since I saw you in the locker room."

"And what's that?"

Her tone was cautious as she moved back slightly.

"We both get off at the same time, which is almost a decent hour. At least, decent enough to catch a late movie. And I know a great crappy diner that serves all night."

She smiled at him, appreciative of his pace.

"Sounds like a pretty good offer. Meet you in the lobby tonight?"

His whole face lit up.

"It's a date."

- - - - -

Derek found his wife at the nurses' station, giggling like a school girl with Stevens. He couldn't help but stop to observe them before intruding.

"What's so funny?"

Izzie and Addison shared a secretive smile.

"I'm gonna go now," Izzie winked at Addison, "bye Addison."

"Later Izzie," Addison called, "give my best to the beast!"

Izzie's laughter filled the hallway as she disappeared.

"What was that all about," Derek inquired, putting a hand on his wife's.

"Stevens and O'Malley."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously," Addison confirmed.

"Hmm," Derek looked stunned, but he shrugged it off, "you look beautiful when you smile."

Addison blushed slightly and bit her bottom lip as she looked down. He grabbed her chin and pulled her in for a kiss.

"Derek," Addison looked embarrassed, "people could see."

"God, get a room," Alex interrupted.

"Seriously," Meredith added, "is this why you're both stuck in Seattle? They didn't want your antics in New York?"

Addison and Derek looked stunned as Alex put his arm around Meredith's waist and they walked into an elevator together. Addison and Derek looked at each other.

"Seriously!" they asked, simultaneously.

They burst out into uncontrollable laughter. When they began to calm down, Derek pulled Addison into his arms and kissed her head through her hair.

"See, I told you everything would be okay."

"Yeah," Addison admitted, "I guess everyone is entitled to be right once in a lifetime."

"Hey," Derek started as Addison darted down the hallway, "come back here you!"

He chased her down the hall like they were on a playground. Neither of them had noticed the Chief at the other end of the hallway. Smiling.

"Everything really was gonna be okay," he mused quietly.

"Are you crazy?"

"Dr. Bailey," he began.

"No, don't start, enjoy your peace today. But just wait for tomorrow."

* * *

This is the end.  
There was originally an epilogue planned, but I couldn't do it in the end. It was suppose to lead to another fic.  
But I hate Derek. Hate hate.  
If that dulls over the summer, who know's what I'll do.

Again, thank you to everyone who's still reading! I love you for it!


End file.
